Grave register: irreverent findings of a discouraging year | Chroniclers


– Sarah Palin, the deflated soccer mom who presided over a dysfunctional family that made the Reagan clan seem fairly stable, recently said at one of those right-wing hate festivals that she would be getting the COVID-19 vaccine “on my corpse “. I understand corpses are exactly what the vaccine is supposed to prevent, but Palin, the bullet we dodged in 2008, has always had a weird way of interpreting reality. Hence, I suppose, its popularity with the right.

At the same event, Jesse Walters, who previously ambushed people for the now defunct Bill O’Reilly program, used the term “kill shot” in his rant about the evil Dr.Anthony Fauci. This sparked general outrage from people, who thought Walters should be relegated to the same garbage heap that O’Reilly now occupies. Fox dismissed the inflammatory remark as “a metaphor” and, no doubt, put his corporate brain to work deciding what to call it if one of Walter’s off-balance devotees actually pulled a pearl at Fauci.

– One of the biggest box office disappointments of the year was the remake of “West Side Story”. Although critically acclaimed, the $ 100 million musical suffered a miserable opening take of $ 10.5 million. A week later, a Marvel superhero film was set to become the first post-pandemic film to hit the billion dollar mark.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, the fact that the world obviously prefers Spider-Man to Stephen Sondheim doesn’t bode well for our future.

– Exxon / Mobil told local residents that a massive explosion at their oil refinery in Baytown, Texas on December 23 would not compromise air quality in the immediate area. It is as if women were reassured by Jack the Ripper that the streets of Whitechapel were safe for walking at night.

– Why is ABC World News Tonight presenter David Muir sitting like he’s about to do a chicken impersonation?

– Sally Ann Howes passed away on December 19. She never entered the exalted realm of top movie stars, but she was Julie Andrews’ very first replacement in the 1957 Broadway production of “My Fair Lady”. Her most noted film The Role was in an expensive adaptation of Ian Fleming’s only children’s book in which she played a character named Truly Scrumptious. It was obviously a tradition in her family to watch “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” every holiday season. Many people assumed that at 91 she had endured the movie enough times and that her passing was likely an early Christmas present from God.

– Gov. Phil Scott’s Republican sensitivity appears to be increasing exponentially with the growing number of coronavirus cases in Vermont. I almost forgot.

– Bob Ross, who died in 1995, is still watched by millions of people who are spiritually appeased by the sweet platitudes he conveys as he paints a picture using many of the same tools people use when remaking a room in their house. In Ross’s world, there are no mistakes, only “happy accidents”. It took this dubious philosophy to the point of becoming a cottage industry.

You might not find examples of the finished product in many major museums, but similar paintings hang in every motel room across the country. I still never quite got it in my mind, however, why someone would even want to finish a painting in half an hour.

– Much to the disappointment of many Texas female voters, who hoped he would bring a touch of Magic Mike to those boring press briefings, Matthew McConaughey decided he would not challenge Greg Abbott in the 2022 candidacy for Governor of Texas. McConaughey’s advisers finally concluded, “How could it be worse? Was not a winning line, even if it was true.

– There is a distinct line between optimistic and delusional. Those of you who thought the State of Texas would ever forgive George Floyd for a drug conviction in 2004 are on the wrong side.

– For the first time, the winner of the most annoying commercial of 2021 is not going to one of these TV advocates. My current favorite of this group is the one trying to pass themselves off as one of the guys, whether they’re handing out pearls of wisdom to impressed patrons at the local restaurant, or having a laugh with the gang at the bowling alley. The price does not come back to this creepy car dealership and his wife, who still thinks there is a need to remind potential buyers that their children and their pet menagerie are not part of the deal – as if someone was considering buying the car if they were.

This year, the honor goes to this woman who spoke on the phone with someone to get vaccinated against COVID-19. Don’t try to change the channel to avoid it as it pops up everywhere. I was so tired of watching her move with her irritating intensity in drama school, I actually thought about canceling my own shots. It is a perfect example of good intentions given to death.

– The dumbest statement of the year came from the woman who complained that Joe Biden was elected to do something about the pandemic and that he hadn’t done much. Chances are she’s an admirer of the man whose initial handling of the virus is one of the main reasons President Biden is such a disappointment to her.

–Wife of Alex Jones, conspiracy theorist and media sewer worker, was arrested and charged with assault on Christmas Eve. Jones has had a difficult year. In November, a Connecticut judge found him liable for damages in a lawsuit brought by parents of children killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting that Jones reluctantly maintains.

A lawyer for Ms Jones said he was confident her client would be exempt. “There isn’t a jury in the world who would blame her,” he told reporters.

Good year. Keep thinking in terms of space.

Alden Graves writes a regular column for the Bennington Banner. The opinions expressed by columnists do not necessarily reflect the views of Vermont News & Media.


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